Is Online dating a path to ECONOMIC and SOCIAL stimulus in which may also facilitate boosting ones' pride, self-esteem, production, and perhaps keep marriage a foundational cultural institution and spiritual path to sharing oneness until death do us part bound by the marriage covenant? There may only be one more chance for Baby Boomers to get marriage right, with the right person.
One Green Bay woman, 53 years young, writes in her Match.com profile, "What I am looking for in a relationship is someone who will make my heart flutter and skip a beat whenever I think of him. . .someone who will take my breath away! I know he is out there, we just need to find each other.” She knows what she wants! She goes on to say, “I don’t want someone I can live with, I want someone I don’t want to live without!." There is a lesson, insightful vision, and encouragement in one sentence. Smart! Such passion! I hope this fun loving, spontaneous and adventurous woman meets him soon – together, living the dream. And she is not going to settle for less. Good for her!
Perhaps this is one reason why the casinos are wall to wall with boomers and the elderly who are dumping coins and pulling levers. The stakes are high. There is always the risk of loosing (to put it another way – not winning), yet no one goes in with that intention. They may win big. If not, most risk-takers walk away leaving behind only what they were willing to lose. Online dating is a poor investment, although, there are always a few who come away winners. At least there is some real human interaction at a casino which is good medicine for the soul and can be momentarily fulfilling. But then again, there are also support groups for habitual gamblers. What is it that separates those who find love online and those who don’t? Could it very well be persistence?
One Green Bay woman, 53 years young, writes in her Match.com profile, "What I am looking for in a relationship is someone who will make my heart flutter and skip a beat whenever I think of him. . .someone who will take my breath away! I know he is out there, we just need to find each other.” She knows what she wants! She goes on to say, “I don’t want someone I can live with, I want someone I don’t want to live without!." There is a lesson, insightful vision, and encouragement in one sentence. Smart! Such passion! I hope this fun loving, spontaneous and adventurous woman meets him soon – together, living the dream. And she is not going to settle for less. Good for her!
Perhaps this is one reason why the casinos are wall to wall with boomers and the elderly who are dumping coins and pulling levers. The stakes are high. There is always the risk of loosing (to put it another way – not winning), yet no one goes in with that intention. They may win big. If not, most risk-takers walk away leaving behind only what they were willing to lose. Online dating is a poor investment, although, there are always a few who come away winners. At least there is some real human interaction at a casino which is good medicine for the soul and can be momentarily fulfilling. But then again, there are also support groups for habitual gamblers. What is it that separates those who find love online and those who don’t? Could it very well be persistence?
Rarely talked about by the media are the negative consequences of the online dating experience. Such as those who’ve experienced disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, and potentially dangerous predicaments, as a direct result if not cautious. Rejection can be devastating. Most people are kind in their response to end online communication or meet again after a first date, while others can be cold hearted. An undesirable experience affects people differently. For some, the constant thought that no one desires them for who they are, may put them in situational depression causing them to withdraw. Some simply laugh it off. Others say it’s their loss, not mine. I don’t believe all the online dating hype. I do believe online dating does more harm than good industry wide.
Our society would be much better off if online dating were a government run program to help repair our social decay and virtually eliminate social isolation. It’s not that simple is it? I just wanted to make sure you were reading this and taking it to heart.
I’ve observed many problems inherent with online dating over the last decade. The ratio between men and women is very disproportional. A very close friend said she was over matched and overwhelmed. In her words, “they matched me with too many and that scared the pants off me...literally speaking of course!!” Another problem is the types of relationship people seek narrows the field. The location and distance one is willing to travel reduces search results. The number of paid members who can actually communicate through a site is disturbing to those who, whether excitedly or hesitantly, fork over the cash. The number of incomplete and poorly written profiles turns away potential suitors by the end of the first paragraph. Then there are height, body type, religious, political, income, children, must make me laugh, must not smoke, and all the other requirements of an ideal mate that deter or prevent initial contact. Photos are important and while signing up, members are encouraged to post at least one photo that’s less that a year old. Many people won’t waste their time on profiles that don’t have photos. There are several reasons people have for not posting a picture. That I understand. But people will always think the worst when a photo is not included. There must be a visual connection (full body attraction, not just facial) associated with outward appearance. In the real world, this occurs naturally and is the first thing that takes place before a word is uttered – lets be honest. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but true love grows from inward attraction. The oxymoron is that who we are on the outside seems to be more important in today’s culture than who we are on the inside. For long term relationships to flourish, these two aspects of self-care must co-exist and be aligned with the ideals of the potential suitor for chemistry to take place. Many say they must experience chemistry within the first 15 minutes of meeting face to face while others argue that chemistry grows over time. This is why most online daters only want to communicate enough to feel safe, and then meet face to face. Chemistry isn’t digital and few people are gifted to write so eloquently as to stir ones soul. When you have chemistry, trust me, you will know it. They say it’s intoxicating because you are likely to lose control of your faculties and say and do things you said you wouldn’t say and do. ;-)
Why is it that the most expensive, most profitable online dating sites get the media’s attention? Have you seen any articles that interview free dating sites such as Plentyoffish.com? Are free sites not successful in serving a greater good and purpose in our society than those which charge more than they are worth just so they can afford to get in our face and tell us we are missing out on something – truly special and amazing? Have you experienced that heart flutter fun loving girl talk’s about? I have, and I don’t need someone to tell me what I’m missing. But knowing this feeling is one sided doesn’t make it go away. Feeling it just makes you wonder and long to know what could be more precious in life than to spend the rest of it with the person that makes you feel this way. We all know some of life’s questions will elude us and do go unanswered. The adage by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “ ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is obviously meant to give comfort to those who have never experienced true love for themselves. When we have experienced these indescribable feelings throughout our entire body, these words of comfort will never suffice.
Online dating is expensive whether free or for a fee. There are hidden costs financially and emotionally. Few would argue about its convenience. But in my opinion; online dating is a social ill playing out for the love of money – namely your money. Ah, but why be so materialistic? This is true love we’re talking about! Wise Baby Boomers know first hand life is not about money because many have lost a big chunk, if not all, of their nest egg. After divorce, many struggle for years to get back on track to a prosperous future. We’re heading for a health-less, bedridden, home-bound, socially isolated culture. Many Baby Boomers drive high mileage cars and are unable to afford an upgrade. These are good people with so much to give, yet feel like such losers, men and women alike, without having the ability to provide a relationship with any kind of real financial security. Money is the number one reason for failed relationships. Not having sufficient financial resources, most often over long periods of time, leads to hopes and dreams made in the early years and along the way to never happen. Broken promises and not seeing any hope of ever making one’s dreams come true in a current relationship sends a subconscious signal to bale out of that relationship and start new with someone who can make [my] dreams realized. But there are walls and boundaries going up and life style changes that are preventing people who are searching for a mate, from ever finding one, much less the right one for the right reasons.
Online dating is expensive whether free or for a fee. There are hidden costs financially and emotionally. Few would argue about its convenience. But in my opinion; online dating is a social ill playing out for the love of money – namely your money. Ah, but why be so materialistic? This is true love we’re talking about! Wise Baby Boomers know first hand life is not about money because many have lost a big chunk, if not all, of their nest egg. After divorce, many struggle for years to get back on track to a prosperous future. We’re heading for a health-less, bedridden, home-bound, socially isolated culture. Many Baby Boomers drive high mileage cars and are unable to afford an upgrade. These are good people with so much to give, yet feel like such losers, men and women alike, without having the ability to provide a relationship with any kind of real financial security. Money is the number one reason for failed relationships. Not having sufficient financial resources, most often over long periods of time, leads to hopes and dreams made in the early years and along the way to never happen. Broken promises and not seeing any hope of ever making one’s dreams come true in a current relationship sends a subconscious signal to bale out of that relationship and start new with someone who can make [my] dreams realized. But there are walls and boundaries going up and life style changes that are preventing people who are searching for a mate, from ever finding one, much less the right one for the right reasons.
Social and cultural issues today are making headlines that can’t be ignored, however, there are other relevant issues too which should be headline news and open for discussion. But because they are touchy subjects deemed; politically incorrect, may be hurtful or harmful in some innocent way, even when simply being objective in intention to proactively, in a honest and loving way in which to facilitate positive change. Those who are unaware of, or choose to ignore, social and economic issues facing our culture today (perhaps not currently affecting you personally) may see Time’s article, ‘Online Dating Enjoying a Boom Among Boomers’ as the hope and motivation needed to start or continue searching for love – to finding mister or misses right Online – a partner and mate to share life with. This means not just the good stuff or fun stuff, all the stuff, even the bad that will surely come up at some point in time in a committed relationship. This is one of those times we must accept it both ways, on a daily basis, if we want to have love for a life-time. We can’t put the blinders on and we must be realistic. People do change and some people do lead secret lives. To love, we must be trustworthy, honest with ourselves and others, be kind, and lovable. We’re living in an era when to live a good lifestyle; many people say two incomes are needed. We all know people out of work and losing everything, some may see finding a roommate or starting a relationship as a solution to their temporary situation. Finding a suitable roommate or other living arrangement is a great plan, but looking for a sugar mama or sugar daddy is a bad idea in the long run. It’s not surprising that married people and escorts use online dating services too. We all gotta earn a living some how and have our needs met.
Online social networking is built on a platform that knows we interact with friends, family, and those who share our interests and passions. If you use facebook.com, you know how hard it is to use it as a tool to meet new people. Online dating sites know this too – They bank on it. How many of your facebook friends can you really call friends? Do you talk/write to them? Do you ever see them? Can you write the things that are really on your heart and mind – things that are important to you and affect you personally? Do you comment on or like what they write which shows up on your news page? Have you ever un-friended someone because they didn’t fit your interests, values, persona or circle of family and friends?
This is going to be a harsh decade for those trying to find love if over 40 and perhaps more trying for those over 50, and especially so for those who have divorced since 2000 whom have not found the ‘one’ yet. We may have to pay the price which is likely the marketing mindset making the Online dating industry filthy rich. But be aware Baby Boomer foreclosures are skyrocketing upwards of 80% from a decade ago. At any age, bankruptcies are fairly common during a divorce proceeding if the spouse is agreeable to it or right after divorce by the party left in dire straights. This among all the other fears baby boomers have, we are becoming an emotionally and physically unhealthy and a financially unstable society of people who are unavailable, unbecoming, or choose to avoid a relationship like the plague. Some people may turn to other alterative relationships, behaviors, or addictions to avoid commitment and/or the potential risks and heartaches inherent to dating and then to moving to the next stage of developing a committed relationship. My point here is that the dating pool is getting shallower and if jumping in head first, we’re sure to hit bottom which could cause severe personal injury or even death. Since these waters are murky and the depth is unknown, it would be wise to wade in slowly so as to safely see how deep it is first.
